Looking back at 25

My 25th year was one for the record books. I’ve grown so much as a person…I’ve overcome so many obstacles. I’d love to sit here and tell you it was always easy…that I just strolled on through. But I didn’t. I fought for everything and fought for who I am today. Psychiatrist appointments, medication changes, medication withdrawals, CBT, job changes… to just name a few. Lots of tears were shed, I felt like giving up, questioning everything, more than once…but look, here I am.

I went through some serious medication changes and with that came some serious withdrawal. I’ll never forget those days and I never want to go through that again. Trial and error just to find that right combination and dosage. It was completely exhausting and the side effects were not fun. Thankfully, we got it figure it out.

I lost someone this year, who I never thought would walk out of my life. I stood up for myself and how I felt, but that wasn’t enough for him. That loss has impacted me more than I will ever admit. Him walking out of my life has left a huge hole in my heart…but I know that I did everything I could and he has to live with the decisions he has made. Here I am, living my best life, and he’s no longer apart of it. His loss.

My comfort zone has been my favourite place for years now… but this past year I pushed myself to go out of it. Try things that scared the living shit out of me. It’s been terrifying…but I’m so happy that I pushed through, that I’ve overcome my darkest fears. I start my first year of university in September… a year ago today it wasn’t even a thought that crossed my mind. It was a distant dream…now I’m making it a reality.

My self-confidence has grown so much, some days I don’t actually believe it. Like who is this girl…and where the hell has she been hiding all this time?!?!?!?! I like her. A lot. I think she’ll be staying around for a while. I’ve also finally come to terms with my weight gain due to my medication. I like to look at it like this, that I’d rather be happy, have curves and a decent sleep schedule then be depressed, skinny and not sleeping. Every day I’m working on loving myself a little bit more…because I am worth it.

I have a job that I truly love. It can be completely exhausting both physically and mentally but I wouldn’t change a thing. I have found something that gets me out of bed every day, and excited for. It took a lot out of me to come to this point, but I’m so happy with the choices I made to get me here.

25… a year I will never forget. A year filled with so many triumphs, challenges, and growth. A year that gave me hope.

26… a year that has just begun. A year full of promise, determination and challenges.

I’m ready to go.

To give it my all.

Ready to conquer mind madness.

♥♥