Every day battle

As someone who has lived with anxiety and depression for years now, sleep is a very interesting and difficult aspect of my life. I don’t know what normal sleeping habits are … I wish I had them. I find, some nights, both my mind and my body fight the urge to fall asleep. Racing thoughts and leg twitches are all too familiar to me. (Just ask my family about the leg twitches) 

Last night, I had a ton of anxiety. I could feel it in my chest and was fighting back tears while coaching. I had no problem falling asleep last night, but Lexi had me up twice during the night. And holy, did I ever toss and turn. The restlessness was infuriating. 

Living with my mental illnesses, I’ve dealt with a lot of emotions and feelings. One of the absolute worst feelings is when you go to sleep with anxiety being a mother f***** and you wake up the next morning and it’s still there. It’s like it never left and you never actually slept. It follows you around like a dark and gloomy cloud. A new day is supposed to be a fresh start! But that’s not always the case with anxiety. 

My day did get better though… I met with my academic advisor today and got to coach and hangout with some pretty awesome individuals tonight. My anxiety is still somewhat here though…I’m exhausted and can’t wait to crawl into bed. I hate that this is a normal occurrence in my life.   

Hopefully, I wake up with no anxiety tomorrow. One can only hope. 

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