What my anxiety looks like…

It’s been a while…and for that I am sorry.

Anxiety and it’s nagging, annoying voice has been kicking my ass. The month of February was kind of a blur. I had more downs than ups. A psychiatrist appointment and another medication dosage increase. I thought that increase was working…until last week when I couldn’t leave the house. The mere thought of it drove me to tears and an instant panic attack. It’s the first time that this has happened, usually I’ll eventually make my way out the door. But not last Thursday. Nothing was getting me out of the house and that scared me.

Oh yeah, did I mention I had a midterm that day…that I missed. UGHHHHHHH even more anxiety. On top of the leaving the house anxiety. I was a complete mess. I then quickly made an appointment to see my psychiatrist because I didn’t like how I was feeling and I needed a doctor’s note for me missing my midterm.

Flash forward to Tuesday…

Another dosage increase and a frequency increase. The thought of getting this chaos under control again, comforted me. Because no one deserves to live like this. I am pretty much a walking pharmacy right now. But that’s okay. Today in class I pulled out my bottle of medication, took a pill out without a single ounce of shame. If someone was curious or asked me if I was okay, I happily would have told them “it’s for my anxiety”.

Flash forward to today…

My body is dealing with an increased dosage intake. Which is never fun, for the first little bit. But I believe it’ll sort itself out, soon. My hands are already shaking less than last month. I hope March will be a good one for me, because I don’t think I can take a repeat of February. I’m also in search of a kick ass pill container, you know like an AM/PM one, that actually has enough room to fit my rather large pills into. Hmm…maybe I can start-up a new business of making kickass medication containers. I’ll add it to my list of things to do.

Sending love to those who need it.

♥ hk