Real thing

Anxiety is real. 

Depression is real. 

To those of you who don’t believe me, I wish you could have my brain for 24 hours. Today would have been a perfect day for it. I woke up and immediately knew it was going to be a struggle. I could feel my body screaming at me to go back to bed. Call in sick…my brain told me. But if you call in sick…will they understand? Or will you get grief? But you could use a day to sleep, and cry and then sleep some more. But you have work to do. You should go. No, you should stay.  These are the thoughts that went through my brain this morning when my alarm went off at 8:00 am. 

Mentally I felt like a hot mess. But a very small part of me thought to myself, ahhh, f*** it. If you’re going to feel like a hot mess why not look good doing it? So that’s exactly what I did. Put some makeup on, didn’t wear a big hoodie, left my hair down…I was ready to conquer. Although deep down I knew all it would take is the smallest thing to make the tears start falling. And that’s exactly what happened…well actually it was two things back to back. A heartfelt message from my mom, and a message from someone who has my heart but doesn’t even know it. It completely caught me off guard and made me so happy. My heart was so full and yet I felt a piece of it breaking. Things are so different now, circumstances have changed but my feelings haven’t. There I sat…10:30 am… crying. Damn it….

But anxiety isn’t real. And depression isn’t real. It’s just an excuse…right? 

I’m so tired of having to fight my mind madness ontop of having to deal with people not believing that mental illnesses are a REAL THING. 

Guess what sunshine…they are real. And I’m not going to stop talking about them. 

Ever.