Craving change

Today has been a struggle. I’m fighting a stomach bug and just when I thought I had beat it, it came back.

I’ve always been putting other people’s needs before my own. It is completely exhausting to try to do so. I’ve decided to change, and I’m putting myself first. So now… I have to put this into action. But how do I do that? Some aspects are easier to change than others. I feel so unbelievably stuck and I don’t know how to get out of it. Anxiety and depression feeding off one another.

I cried this morning.

Silent tears again…the ones that fall when you feel alone and hopeless. The ones that fall when you are unhappy and don’t know how to fix it. How do you make it better?

I don’t want to disappoint anyone… it’s one of my deepest darkest fears. I hate it. But how much longer can I continue to disappoint myself?

For the first time in a long time I actually crave change…

Now to make it happen…