Dear me, I love you

Last week I celebrated my birthday. Since then I have taken the time to look back and reflect at my 27^th year. 27 was probably the most challenging year I have ever had.

27…you were a year of hardships, unexpected change, endless questions, and battles for acceptance and inclusion. But because of you I grew, I changed, and I started to choose to love myself again…like REALLY love myself. At one of my lowest points I found myself with no job, taking a forced absence from school, was living with a concussion and mental illnesses. Then in the thick of it… COVID-19. At the time it felt like everything that could go wrong went wrong. I felt heartache like I have never felt before. I saw what true friendship looks like, and unfortunately found out that not everyone you thought had a place in your life will stay or should stay. I had to cut ties I never thought I would. I was growing and they caused me so much emotional pain I couldn’t do it anymore. I have a box in my room of everything that reminds me or was given to me by them. Pictures, notes, card, gifts…now in a box under my bed because I can’t have them out anymore. I no longer have the energy for toxic people. With so much time on my hands since COVID-19 started, it really made me think about the person I want to be. I’m putting my mental health needs FIRST. I’ve also fell in love with exercise and working out. I found an all ladies gym who was offering online classes because of COVID. It started out as a 21-day challenge. That was in May. Now I’m working out 5 times a week. It has become my escape from my own thoughts. My one hour a day of guaranteed anxiety free thoughts. It’s glorious, amazing and I’m eternally grateful to the friend who asked me about doing a 21-day challenge. 27 I had my heart broken more than once….but I’m putting the pieces back together the way I want to.

27… damn, you are a year I will never forget.

28…I’m excited for you already and it’s only been almost a week. Here I am… coming in with a strong belief in myself, ready and willing to advocate for myself and others. I’m falling in love with the person I want to be. Not the person other people think I should be. I put myself first now. I’m in charge. I’m working on myself physically and mentally. Doing things that make me happy, saying no when I need to. Only doing things that bring me pure joy, and speaking up when my blood, sweat, tears and hard work go unnoticed and unappreciated. Yes, I’m scared of the unknown, of what could be in store for me. What crosses my path, what falls into my lap. Well, terrified actually. But the excitement of watching myself grow, changing for the better, kicking ass, simply outweighs the fear I feel.

28…here I am.
Let’s go.

♥h.