I have hope!

Anxiety happens whenever the heck it wants to. I find myself trying to explain this more often than not. Some people think that it’s possible to “schedule” when anxiety effects you. If this was an option, I’d never ever give it a time slot in my life, or the life of anyone for that matter. I honestly can’t help but laugh when I hear people say that, or when they say “Oh, she just wants the attention.”

Yes….you’re so right. Of course, because who doesn’t want to completely lose it in a room full of people? Yes….you’re so right. I want to be that girl, sitting in the corner crying and shaking. Yes…I want to have people stare at me while I hyperventilate…for the attention right? (there’s a whole heck of a lot of sarcasm in that last paragraph)

No.

I hate that anxiety comes whenever the heck it wants to. YES I have ways to cope and deal. NO, they don’t work all the time. There’s nothing more debilitating then when someone doesn’t believe you when you say you have a mental illness. Some people tend to think it’s all “made up” and just an idea inside our heads.

It’s not.

I am so passionate about talking about mental illness and mental health because it’s about damn time things have changed. I’ve witnessed so much heartache because people aren’t able to openly talk about what they have going on in their life. I’m tired of people making me feel ashamed of something that is so out of my control.

I hate that anxiety causes so much pain and suffering.

But with that, I also have hope. I have hope that things will change. That I will be able to say that I go to therapy and won’t get ridiculed for it. (this happened today)

I have hope for every person reading this. I have hope for me. So no matter how much ugliness I face in my lifetime, I know what is true.

My diagnosis is real…but I’m still human.